Pamphilia Hlapa shares how learning to align her mental attitude became key to achieving the resilience required for sustainability
It is no secret that at the centre of ‘sustainability’ in relation to gender equality, there is a greater need for a deeper assessment of how the current generation of women who have had to survive gender inequality or injustices can meet our desire to empower the future generation of women without compromising that ability.
No matter how much we talk, march, discuss, etc., if the future, we are preparing the coming generations for, is not cemented with the ability to teach, train and activate within them, the ability to cultivate mental attitudes which enables them to achieve resilience in the midst of gender-based threats and tragedies, they will still find it hard to absorb the impacts, recover and adapt their lives after such.
Personally, I remember how writing my first novel, “A Daughter’s legacy” became a form of therapy for healing and breaking the culture of silence around gender-based violence through sexual abuse which I became a victim of at the tender age of 6 back in my village. Immediately after the novel was published in 2006, it became one of the Exclusive Books and Sunday Times Homebru books and subsequently led to me getting the 2006 “Women Demand Dignity, White Ribbon” Award.
The Award was in recognition for my ability to disclose the plight of women and children in the book and was presented as part of the 16 Days of Activism and the International Day for the Prevention of Violence against Women in South Africa.
It is no secret that at the centre of ‘sustainability’ in relation to gender equality, there is a greater need for a deeper assessment of how the current generation of women who have had to survive gender inequality or injustices can meet our desire to empower the future generation of women without compromising that ability.
No matter how much we talk, march, discuss, etc., if the future, we are preparing the coming generations for, is not cemented with the ability to teach, train and activate within them, the ability to cultivate mental attitudes which enables them to achieve resilience in the midst of gender-based threats and tragedies, they will still find it hard to absorb the impacts, recover and adapt their lives after such.
Personally, I remember how writing my first novel, “A Daughter’s legacy” became a form of therapy for healing and breaking the culture of silence around gender-based violence through sexual abuse which I became a victim of at the tender age of 6 back in my village. Immediately after the novel was published in 2006, it became one of the Exclusive Books and Sunday Times Homebru books and subsequently led to me getting the 2006 “Women Demand Dignity, White Ribbon” Award.
The Award was in recognition for my ability to disclose the plight of women and children in the book and was presented as part of the 16 Days of Activism and the International Day for the Prevention of Violence against Women in South Africa.
The question for me remained, “is talking about my experiences enabling me to develop resilience where I amcurrently or rather “today” be able to deal with the impacts of that particular incident and the subsequent ones as narrated in the book to sustain and maintain the same resilience for my tomorrow?”
It is no secret that my childhood experiences impacted every aspect of my life, my psyche, self-confidence, decision-making skills, outlook on life, etc. Every day of my adult life felt like I had to be making adjustments to combat the impacts while meeting the demands placed upon me by life in general. I had to learn to “equalise” myself with my peers, let alone how I interacted with those of the opposite gender which I already viewed as “superior” and dominating to me because why else would those men violate me unless they saw me as “unequal” or inferior to them? On the other hand, I was very much aware of the taboos regarding sexual violence against women and children; the shame associated with abuse and my very own society’s inability to embrace those who speak about their experiences. I needed hope, I needed resilience to sustain that hope and I used “A Daughter’s Legacy” to open that up for me and for other women too.
But that was not enough, upon interacting with other women through group therapy sessions, writing programmes and reading stories, I saw how sustainability can become a “fluke” for a person whose psyche was broken and why then all the talks, marches, noises will always fail to create that much-needed sustainability unless the resilience cultivated or activated within the individuals is aligned with their mental faculties. Talk as we put it, “is cheap.”. It takes a lot more than talking, attending marches, following hashtags and all to create something that works today for a sustainable tomorrow.
It was in 2003 when I started digging deeper into programmes and ways that will allow my psyche to be reshaped. It was almost like my brain, my mind, my heart and my physical body too needed to be reshaped if I was to achieve a sustainable tomorrow. I even saw myself dropping out of my Master’s degree in Business Management to go and start my studies in Psychology and Communications to help me with what I was yearning to embody, maintain and sustain. I was tired of my life circling back to my childhood experiences all the time and eventually I completed my Master’s degree in Child and Family Studies. A Daughter’s legacy, launched into a world when iI did not anticipate, but I became what they call, a prolific Author, Speaker, Teacher, Spiritual healer, Transformational Life Coach and Mentor who strives for nothing but the sustainability of anything and everything the future generations will identify with.
Since 2004, I have been afforded channels and platforms to continue to educate and empower other women through my writing contributions to magazines such as “Oprah” by the Associated Magazines, the “Agenda Feminist Journal”, “Face of the Spirit” and “Legacies of Courage.” Whatever I was learning led me to delve into topics that aim to inspire and heal: “Cutting the ties that bind”, “Imagine a Woman in love with herself”, “Writing the Plight of Women”, “Breaking the Shackles of Bondage”, “The Essence of a Woman” and “Building Resilience in the Face of Adversity.” My passion and desire to inspire, activate healing and resilience in others was also noted by the Desmond Tutu Peace Centre, where I served as a mentor to the Women in Leadership Writing Programme. A Project sponsored by Sanlam in Collaboration with Agenda Journal. This led to the publication of a book titled, RAINFIRE, published by Out of the Blue in 2005.
I became synonymous with acts of living in faith and transcending through hardships to the point that in 2013, mystory was documented and aired on one of the South African Broadcasting Corporation (SABC) programmes called, “I am Woman – Leap of Faith”. The programme featured the lives of remarkable women exploring how they stepped into brand new territory when faced with life’s greatest challenges and opportunities. Each episode uncovered the turning points and pivotal moments of change in their lives. The programme also explored where these women turned to when the chips were down.
My Master’s research study was titled, “Exploring the experiences of abused women and their participation in entrepreneurial skills training programmes as a tool for empowerment of the self and their families in the Western Cape.”
In 2019, “A Daughter’s Legacy” was followed by the sequels “Battles of the gods” and “Healing the Legacies.” I am currently pursuing Doctoral Studies in Social Work after earning my Master’s degree in Child and Family Studies, two Honours degrees, one in Business Management and another one in Psychology. I also studied under the then United Church of Religious Science (internationally known as “The Science of Mind” which is now The Centre for Spiritual Living.
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Pamphilia Hlapa can be contacted on:
Email: phlapa4@gmail.com
+27 76 0944 285/ +27 63 502 1068
Website: https://pamphilia.com
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Pamphiliaishere/